One Day Maybe I WILL do Some That Isn't!!! (Halfway Illiterate Hate!)

Both of these comments were in response to my post "How a Fish Almost Ruined my Childhood."  

#1.  It seems like maybe he/she is mad about something to do with me being a girl, but I can't really tell.  

I'm sorry. I will take it down right away, Sir. You will never again have your delicate eyeballs accosted by my sense of humor. It was selfish of me to put you through that. No one should ever depict every woman in history and their capabilities and one day do some that isn't. That's just unfair to all the ones that is.

#2.  Either this person's reading-comprehension is really poor or they don't understand exaggeration. Maybe both.  Also possibly they don't understand cartoons. 

I really don't even know what to say to this.   I honestly wasn't trying to compete with genocide.  Genocide wins the trauma award.

*BONUS* Cake Versus Pie: A Comparison

This chart didn't make the cut for my Cake versus Pie post, but I spent a lot of time working on it, so I thought I'd post it here:

Acid-Spitting Dinosaur Card

I made this way back on Valentine's Day, but I forgot to post it with the rest of my melodramatic cards.  In retrospect, this may have been a good idea.

I Guess They Can Be Pedestrians Too...

In a World Where No One Can be Sure That They are Using the Word "Irony" Correctly, I'm Pretty Sure I Found Something That is Almost Definitely Ironic...

As I was moderating my comments, I found this one from a spammer.  It was posted on Spaghatta Nadle.  

I'm pretty sure that is irony.  For several reasons.  

Guess What? I Actually Posted Something on Here!

How to be Famous

There are many routes you can take to reach the ultimate goal of being famous.  Here are several of them.

1.  Be in movies.

2.  Be in a famous rock band.

3.  Be in a famous band that is not a rock band but still famous.  Like Simon and Garfunkel.

4.  Be a... nevermind.  I'm not supposed to talk about p0rn because I don't want those ads here.  Or maybe I do.  You guys would totally click them, wouldn't you.  Perverts.  That's probably not a very good keyword. 

5.  Videotape yourself doing something disgusting/amazing and put it on YouTube. 

6.  Be really, really, really good at basketball.

7.  Be a serial killer.  Actually, don't do that.  There need to be fewer serial killers, not more. 

8.  Win American Idol.

9.  Learn how to time-travel.  Some say it can't be done and that may be true, but if you could figure out how to do it, you would definitely be famous. 

Post #3

Here's another Craigslist posting from my neck of the woods:

Apparently there is more than one person in western Montana with this viewpoint:

FML

Post #2

This was posted on Craigslist in a town near where I live.

That sounds totally legitimate. 

Post #1

I just realized that I haven't updated this blog in a really long time.  To make up for that, I'm going to update it a whole bunch of times right now. 

Here's post #1:

Twitter has a feature called "trending topics" which is supposedly a good indication of what is popular on Twitter but actually it's just a way for stupid people to share their ideas on a topic preceded by a hashtag, like #imstupidletstalkaboutbunnies BUNIES UR SOOO CUTE OMG!

Or sometimes people just say something like this:

It is slightly worse when the person does not appear to be aware of their stupidity:

No Sierra... ur the 1 w/ teh prolem.  Probably.  Unless you happen to be dating ColorMeHandsome.  Then I totally agree with you.

OMG!OMG!OMG! I HAVE ADD! AND IT IS UNCONTROLLED AND I ATE COFFEE.

Yes. "Ate coffee." That was not a typo. Have you ever eaten coffee beans? They are like Rice Krispies but larger and coffee-er.

Anyway, I am almost out of my ADHD medication and I am trying to find a substitute. I know that what I take is a stimulant, so I thought "why not try coffee?"

The good news is that it does help me focus. The bad news is that the amount of coffee required to achieve that focus could probably kill a medium-sized beagle.

Guess what else? It is 11:24 PM and normal people go to bed at that time. But not me. I feel like my body is detached from my body. That would make sense if you ate as much coffee as me.

I need to write some new stuff here...

Maybe I'll turn this into a poetry blog. A cat poetry blog.

Cats

By Allie

Cats are orange and stripey.

Sometimes.

Or black.

Uh-oh don't let it cross your path!

But really, where hasn't a black cat crossed

Probably some places

Like the Sahara Desert

Or Walgreen's

Or McDonald's

But I'm almost certain cats have been in Mcdonald's

Whether or not they were black though...

I don't know

Is this even a poem?

The answer is yes.

Rat. Again.

This is another picture of Nina. It's kind of blurry, but that's because she is almost definitely equipped with Super Sonic Speed and she takes liberal advantage of this fact. She almost never sits still.

This is probably the most informative and exciting blog on the planet.

Rat

I've written too much about cats.

Do you want to see a picture of my pet rat, Nina?

I hope so, because I'm posting one.

If you don't think she's cute, you are probably a vampire and therefore incapable of experiencing feelings of cuteness.

I just made that up about vampires, but I bet it's true.

Name Change

I am so paranoid about getting my Adsense account deleted that I had to change the title of the blog because it contained a questionable word.

I don't think I like this censorship stuff. Sometimes you just need to say naughty words to create the proper environment for a joke. Some people will tell you that bad words are never necessary, but I beg to differ:

Example 1:

1. "Oh."

2. "Oh Sh-t."

Example 2:

1. "I love you."

2. "I f---ing love you."

3. "I love f---ing you."

Those sentences don't even mean the same thing without the curse words.

Anyway, now I have to go back and write the word isht or crap where there used to be a different word and then I won't even have the ads for cat diarrhea anymore! I am such a sell-out.

This is exactly why I didn't want AdSense on my other blog. Even though it would have been really fun to see what kinds of keywords it came up with. I wonder if my MSP store would show up in my ads? Probably.

Maybe I'll do a one-day Adsense thing on my other blog. Just to see what keywords come up.

At any rate, I am sorry my out-of-control paranoia has caused me to have to take out some of my favorite words. I hope that my favorite ads do not disappear with them.

Cat diarrhea

Cat diarrhea

Cat diarrhea

Okay, I just wanted to make sure that my favorite ad ever wasn't in jeopardy of vanishing just because I got rid of the s-word.

The Cat in My Life

This is Boyfriend's cat, Angelo. I think he is probably mentally ill. He had to be put on Prozac for a little while, but apparently it wasn't helping him and it just made him obese so he is not on Prozac anymore.

I like Angelo because he is so unpredictable! I never get bored with petting him - mostly because I don't ever get to pet him for very long before he starts mauling me for no reason.

Sometimes I put on several layers of very thick clothing and a pair of leather gloves and wage battle with Angelo. I can't tell if he likes it or not, but it's sure fun for me! One time he bit through two sweatshirts and probably gave me rabies, but most of the time he is pretty ineffective at harming me.

This is a picture of a cat attacking a thing that kind of looks like a lamp, but then there's no light bulb or lampshade, so it's probably not a lamp. I don't know what it is, but the cat is attacking it.

Aren't you guys glad I started this blog?

Boyfriend Quotes #1

Me: "Do I look too disgusting to be seen in public?"

Boyfriend: "You don't look disgusting... it's just obvious that you aren't trying hard to look pretty."


Or this closely related quote from yesterday morning:


Me: "I feel gross..."

Boyfriend: "You don't look gross."

Me: "Really? Because I don't feel pretty at all right now."

Boyfriend: "Well, you don't look as pretty as you usually do, but you aren't gross."


I think Boyfriend is lucky that I am the way that I am. And by that I mean "awesome."

Not a Good Idea

I am (word that adsense probably hates because they don't like drunk people) and I really reeally really want to click my own ads because I am suddenly very curious about ALL of them.

I shouldn't.

Google will ge soooooooooooooooo mad!

Ther'es a guy on the TV an dhis face is super super red. I don' t know why. He was just playing football so maybe that's why but my face would never be tht red just from football. Maybe an oven or a embarrassment but not football.

Crap, you guys. I am going to mess up all of my keywords and stuff.

Drunk and internet don't mix. Just like boats.

OMG

I am totally starting a cheap spin-off website called "LMAOcats" and it will be based around the phrase "icanhasbigmac?"

Awesome.

UPDATE: I also have dibs on ROFLcats, so don't even think about it.