A Different Tactic... Let's See If This Works...

The Keyword Game! (Having fun while also making money... maybe... I really don't know what I'm doing. This could be totally the wrong thing and I wouldn't even know. But I am going to try, by God.)

Vocab Words: win your law suit, lawyer, Los Angeles lawyer, Mickey Mouse, California Real Estate, vacation, surfing, shark

I just threw "shark" in there for good measure. Sharks can shake up any story.

Vocab Story:

Once upon a time, there was a California Real Estate lawyer (which isn't a real profession, but it should be) and his name was Mickey Mouse because his parents hated him and wanted him to be made fun of and fail at life. Anyway, Mickey Mouse decided to take a vacation from his stressful life as a Los Angeles Lawyer (more specifically, a California Real Estate lawyer) and go surfing. Sadly, Mickey Mouse was eaten by a shark. Guess what his last word were? "Win your law suit." That's what he said.

I don't know why anyone would utter those particular last words, but for the sake of this story and my AdSense revenue, those were poor Mickey Mouse's last words.

May he rest in peace.

Guess What I Did??

Did you see what I did with that last post? Aren't I a genius?

It really is as easy as that.

And guess what?

This is what I accomplished with this post (and this one):

1. I listed a bunch of high-value keywords

2. I repeated those keywords over and over in a story

3. I wrote content that was stupid but way more interesting than if I had simply listed those words over and over. And I might not even get in trouble with google.

4. I enticed my readers to click my ads (even though I know that I don't have to do that because you guys love me) by intriguing them about how a fictional character named Rosetta Stone lost weight with three simple rules.

5. I just found a way to work in the phrase "lost weight with three simple rules" again.

6. And again.

You guys,

This is so much fun.

Writing for SEO, Allie-Style

Like I mentioned in my last post, I can increase the value-per-click of my ads if I type the right keywords into my posts.

But isn't that selling-out??

Not the way I'm going to do it!

Remember how in high school your English teacher always gave you a list of vocabulary words to put into a story and turn in by the end of the week?

That is what I am going to do with my SEO keywords.

It will be fun.

For example:

List of keywords = flat stomach, lose weight, Cialis, Search Engine Optimization, Rosetta Stone, get published, enlarge

Observe:

Once upon a time, there was an enlarged woman named Rosetta. She married a man named Cialis Stone (which is actually kind of ironic) so therefore her name became Rosetta Stone. Anyway, one day Rosetta Stone decided that she wanted to get published, so she started learning about Search Engine Optimization which probably wasn't the right way to go about publishing a book, but she didn't care because she was illiterate anyway and didn't understand anything without the help of her husband, Cialis Stone. Why would an enlarged, illiterate woman named Rosetta Stone want to write a book? I don't know. What I do know is that Rosetta Stone needed to lose weight. She had always wanted a flat stomach, but since she was so enlarged, that dream had eluded her until recently. After she realized that she was illiterate, Rosetta Stone flew into a psychotic rage over her lack of ability to read and went so berserk that she lost weight in only minutes a day! She had a flat stomach before she could even finish her berserking. An unlikely story? Yes. An impossible story? Absolutely not. Anyone can lose weight with these simple rules. And I won't tell you what those rules are, but I'm sure there will eventually be an ad on this page that will.

So it Looks Like I've Cornered the Market in Pet Supplies/Insurance/Medical Problems/Names

I do so many awesome things on accident!

I was just reading about Search Engine Optimization and apparently I accidentally did something right by writing about cats.

Sweet.

I am also doing the right thing by writing about Search Engine Optimization. I am giving my ads broad appeal while also still allowing the niche ads about cat diarrhea to populate my page.

I just realized that these are some things I should probably write about:

Drugs

Drugs are good and bad. Some of them are helpful and some cause your nasal septum to desintigrate. But guess what? Then you have to go to the doctor to get your nose fixed and that's where they get you. It's a conspiracy.... see? I'm not serious. Just in case you are on of those people. And if you are - I'm sorry I've insulted you. We can still be friends, right?

Health Care

Health care is something that I don't have right now. I thought I had a brain tumor the other day and I was like "I need to go to the doctor... wait... I don't have insurance and so I can't go to the doctor. Whelp, looks like I'm gonna die. Oh well..." Also I think I have skin cancer and breast cancer and cancer cancer. But do I get to go to the doctor to find out that I am a hypochondriac? No. I don't.

Insurance

This is that thing that I don't have, remember?

Medications

I'm going to run out of my ADD medication in about 4 days. Then who knows what I'll blog about. It's gonna get weird, people.

1-800 pet meds

I just thought I'd throw that one in there for good measure.

How to lose belly fat

You should probably spend more time calling 1-800 pet meds and less time eating butter mixed with sugar. And just because you mix the butter and sugar together doesn't make it okay to eat. Trust me. I know. I've been there.

Flat Stomach

I'm not even going to try to justify this one.